| Roman Culture |
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Marriages were generally arranged by family members and their friends. A letter from Pliny to Junius Mauricus (Epistles 1.14) explains in detail that Pliny feels he had found just the man for his niece. He explains that the man has a proper family background and class status, that he has served as quaestor, tribune and praetor, and is attractive and charming. His father, by the way, is also rich.
Occasionally it was love at first sight, as in the case of the couple mentioned in the following inscription on a tombstone in Rome:
| This is the tomb of a darling, saintly soul, Puria Spes, a freedwoman, (who set up this tomb) to Sempronius Firmus, my dear husband. As boy and girl, we were bound by love at first sight for one another. I lived with him for only a very short time and we, by the cruel hand of fate, were parted when we should have lived together. |
A young Roman maiden's marriage engagement was usually arranged at a meeting of friends at her father's house when articles of the marriage contract or engagement were settled and when it was also agreed about the payment of the dowry (the price of buying a husband). The dowry given by a girl called Thermion to her fiancé Apollonius was a pair of gold earrings and silver drachmas (Greek monetary unit).
Marriage was considered a practical rather than romantic matter. The basic function of marriage was to provide a stable environment for the production and rearing of family heirs. The parents usually took great pains to find a suitable spouse for the daughter but seldom did her opinion enter into the decision. Often one might ask a relative with connections to help find a suitable spouse. Should a request be denied, the father of the daughter would not feel the insult. The dowry was to help the groom's family defray the living expenses of the new wife. Although marriages were usually founded on the financial or political union of families it was not unusual for the couple to grow quite fond of one another. (Should a woman become widowed she then can usually choose her 2nd husband.)
On the occasion of the betrothal, there also generally was a feast (sponsalia) at the end of which the man gave his beloved a ring, usually of iron, as his pledge. The bride was to speak not a word. The father of the bride would be asked by the prospective groom whether the father would promise to give the daughter to him as his wedded wife. The young man would then state that the gods favor it and he does betroth her. All shout Dei fortunam apportent! A definite day was also agreed upon for the marriage ceremony. During the following weeks the details are set out: the dowry, how much the son-in-law could control, how the property could be divided, so that should there be a divorce the dos could be returned without substantial loss.
A Roman boy could marry from the age of 14 onwards. The boy could exercise a choice sometimes. According to law girls could marry when they were 12 years old. Most married at 13 or 14. Cicero's daughter Tullia was betrothed at ten and married at thirteen. Emperor Tiberius promulgated an edict that no man over 60 nor any woman past 50 could marry. The law was unpopular and repealed.
Roman law made provision for the length of time that a young man and girl should be engaged. If the man who had engaged to marry did not think fit to celebrate the nuptial within two years from the date of the engagement, the girl was released from the contract.
The Roman bride avoided choosing the Kalends, Nones or Ides of any month or any day in May as her wedding day. The latter half of June was an auspicious time. On the night before the wedding, the bride dedicated her toys to the family gods who had guarded her childhood. Her bulla too was placed on the altar had she worn one (not all girls wore bullae). She retired wearing a fine yellow garment woven in one piece, a good luck omen. On the wedding day, the house was decorated with flowers and, in the houses of noble families, the busts of the family ancestors were brought out for the occasion.
The bride was dressed in a white ankle-length tunic (tunica recta) which was made from a single piece of cloth woven from top to bottom and belted at the waist. With a complex knot (Knot of Hercules). Her hair was parted in the middle and plaited into six plaits which were tied with ribbons. She wore all the jewelry which she would bring to the marriage. Her shoes might be of white leather covered with pearls. On her head she wore a bright orange veil, sometimes of silk which carried enormous value. The veil was held in place with a ring of flowers picked by the bride and woven among the flowers were sacred verbena herbs.
The ceremonies were generally civil ceremonies but there was always a sacrifice and the day was carefully chosen. Once the soothsayer had pronounced the day favorable, the wedding proceeded. First the tablets of the contract and the transfer of the dowry are read and signed by witnesses. The matron of honor then leads the bride to the groom. The bride takes the groom's hand. He asks "Will you be my mater familias?" The bride consents and says "Will you be my pater familias?" The groom, bride and her parents now place an offering on the alter, dedicating it to Jupiter and Juno and several rural gods. All shout "Bona Fortuna!" This is but one ceremony; there were different marriage celebrations, but all celebrated the husband's authority over his wife.
The groom placed a ring of iron on the third finger of the bride's left hand because it was believed that from that finger ran a vein to the heart. This vein had to be captured before the marriage could be binding.
During a reception in the home of the bride's father, guests drank to the health of the couple and wished them luck. In the evening there was a procession to the groom's house. The bride carried a spindle and distaff in her hands to show that one of her jobs was to spin yarn and make cloth. Boys ran in front carrying torches. The remains of these were given to guests as good luck charms (souvenirs). Guests and family followed the couple, singing and shouting. Augustus' sumptuary laws attempted to limit the costs of the banquet to 1000 sesterces (about $40).
The custom of the groom carrying the bride over the threshold dates back to Rome when the doorway was anointed with oils and fats as emblems of future plenty in the couple's new home. The bride was carried lest she fall.
Marriages were celebrated until the first century A.D. After that time a couple lived together without a ceremony and were considered married (common law marriages today in some states). Among the wealthy however, the ritual was still generally performed.
A married woman could go almost everywhere without a husband's permission. It was untoward to visit the theater however lest one become enamored with the actors. A married Roman woman could sue or be sued or give testimony in court. She could manage her own property. It is said that Caesar's mother ran an insula in Subura. A Roman woman, while having some freedoms unknown among women in other parts of the ancient world, still needed to insure that she maintain her husband's good name. An example of this is Pompeia, 2nd wife of Caesar, who was divorced by Caesar with the statement that "Caesar's wife must be above suspicion" and indeed she was much talked about after the scandal at the ceremony of the Bona Dea.
A woman of means controlled the household slaves and saw to the education of the children. No Roman was ashamed to admit that in the great crises of life he took the authoritative advice of his mother.
Under Augustus women received tax reductions for having children. Augustus was concerned that the landed classes were having few children and that the city would be overrun by the masses. Women with three children could wear special garments and were granted freedom from their husbands. A few women became teachers and doctors. Some such as Eumachia of Pompeii ran a successful brickyard. Wealthy women could discuss politics, law and literature and sometimes influenced their husbands' political actions. Cicero's wife was one such woman. Despite all this, this epitaph She counseled well, she managed well, she spun wool, was one sought by many women on their tombstones.
References:
Preparation time for the wedding can range from 2 to 3 days and may be taken from class time or in your spare time at home. A minimum of 12 student actors/actresses (or friends and acquaintances) will be needed to play the following roles:
Additional personnel will be required to attend to the collection of the props and be present as members of the stage crew. Those who are in charge of the props, can be called upon to make costumes and ensure that all of the neccessary props are in order. The stage crew can be called upon to handle lighting and technical issues as well as attend to the needs of the performers (someone to braid the Bride's hair) and the stage set. A cook will be needed to bake and decorate the cake and a video grapher will be needed to film the wedding nuptials (preferably someone with access to a video camera).
Props to consider:
Also consider any other set decorations that you can think of. Sheepskin to cover the Bride and Groom's chairs (bath rugs will work, if needed). The location for the wedding set should be well lit and contain enough working space for the set, props, crew and actors/actresses. Just be creative and have fun!
Marriage Contract - Altogether, you will need ten people to sign the certificate. Witnesses' signatures are required, to remain married to the first wife.
Click on the thumbnail below to download a full-size marriage contract for your mock wedding!
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J. Jahnige February 1997 (updated 2006)
Sources:
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